I am writing passages for Taiwanese students to learn English. (It's a freelance thing). My brain feels all muddled. It's so difficult to try and base your writing at a particular grade level. I have this huge word list, but how do you write using a word list? They also gave me a bunch of writing samples, which are helpful, but I can't really figure out what distinguishes one level from the next. Is it the length of words? The sounds in the words? Is it arbitrary what words are in what level? I'm using a lot of short sentences and passive voice, and starting many of my sentences with pronouns. Also, they have assigned me topics, two of which I know nothing about. The other is about Michael Jackson.

Just got back from spinning class #2. I liked the first instructor's class better, due to the music and the organization. This one was all techno-y. I prefer inspirational pop music. The other day that Miley Cyrus song about climbing mountains came on The Biggest Loser, and ohhh how I wept. Hmm my calorie spreadsheet tells me I can eat up to 440 more calories today. That's kind of a lot. I wish I had some red grapes. Or pineapple. Or fancy olives. Or cheese and crackers.

I gave up on the John Waters movie as I have finally reached the good part of The Secret History (200 pages in). I'm a little envious of the author - never have I disliked a character as much as this one, Bunny. He's like a combination of Aunt Penniman and, damnit can't think of any other annoying characters, Iago from Othello, and, yeah maybe the reason I'm having such a sharp reaction to this is that there aren't so many annoying characters, in general? Intentionally annoying, that is. Hmm, I googled, "annoying characters in literature" and found a message board full of people bashing Anne of Green Gables. Mrs. Rachel Lynde was irritating, I suppose, but essentially good-hearted. Ah, here's a list. Amy from Little Women! Wait, this list is half subjective and half YA novels. I'll add Gollum, particularly in The Hobbit. Please comment with more annoying characters if you can think of any, as I kind of like this topic.

Am watching this John Waters movie, Cry Baby, on hulu. It is high camp. They mentioned that they were in Baltimore, but other than that I don't see any Baltimorisms. Johnny Depp is in it, and Ricki Lake, and all these random celebs, like Iggy Pop. According to imdb trivia, Johnny Depp took this role to avoid being typecast as his 21 Jump Street character. Apparently they considered Jim Carey, Robert Downey Jr., and Tom Cruise. AND I was just looking at the Edward Scissorhands page, and the same three were being considered for that role! Johnny Depp triumphed over all. Imagine Tom Cruise as Edward Scissorhands.

Am kind of annoyed because I am making sushi for dinner and I made the sushi rice ahead so it could cool and it came out beautifully fluffy in my rice cooker and then I added the seasoned rice vinegar, following the instructions on the rice container, but I tasted the rice and I think it's too vinegary! Maybe the amount depends on your taste. Sigh. I wish I had just added half. I hadn't even realized sushi rice had anything in it. I looked up ways to counteract the vinegar, but the only suggestion was sugar, and that seems weird, though seasoned rice vinegar does have sugar in it, right? But it wouldn't dissolve and would be gross. I am refrigerating the rice now and hoping it won't taste so vinegary if the rice is cooler.

I went to the gym and put a lot of effort into it, so like, I didn't read Shape magazine as closely as I normally do. I even did the backwards ellipticalling, which I notice all the cool girls do, but kind of seems just like a way to take a break...? On my way to go wash my face, I ran into a writing sems person - why do I always run into people at the worst times? I looked like a contestant on The Biggest Loser, wearing a giant t-shirt and sweating and gasping and so on, whereas he looked all refreshed, like he was just about to go meet the boys from Yale for a rousing game of squash.

Update: I was wrong about the vinegar! It is perfect. The sushi actually tastes just like what you get at a restaurant! And it was so easy! I just made avocado rolls, but next time I will invest in sushi grade fish.

After my success with baked sweet potato fries, I decided to try making apple chips. I will never eat storebought apple chips again! All you have to do is slice an apple really thinly and then lay it out in a single layer on a baking sheet and dry it out in the oven at the lowest setting for about an hour. They are perfectly crispy and a little bit chewy and concentrated in apple flavor. They did kind of stick to the pan, though. Next time I will use parchment.

My upstairs neighbor is so nice. The power went out in my apartment and I saw her in the hallway and asked if hers was out too but it wasn't, and she was very helpful in telling me that the landlord's office number forwards to one of their cell phones during the off hours, and then she found the main fuse box (because the one in my apartment wasn't doing anything) and flipped it back on and now my power is back! I should have asked her where the main fuse box is. And she admired Wendy, and Wendy was pleased.

My parents have joined a sort of traveling performance troupe, and thus are in Montreal this weekend. It was originally my dad who joined as the narrator (it's an Indian musical dance drama type thing) and then one of the actresses dropped out, so my mom joined. My parents' lives are a lot more interesting than mine. If only they had a blog.

Woke up with a positive outlook. The soymilk for my coffee boiled over and I had no soymilk left, but I just used that as an excuse to buy a tall nonfat caramel macciato, which is only 140 calories! I had a sample of Fiber 1 cereal for breakfast. It looked like cardboard but tasted like Honey Bunches of Oats.

Now I am grading issue poems which I should have graded two weeks ago. They are all about the environment, except for the one that's about prostitution. I don't know if I ever blogged about my very first published work, which I wrote when I was 8. It was called "You're Killing the Ozone," and was printed in one of those National Library of Poetry books, where they tell you you've been selected and then they make you spend $50 to buy a copy of it. Here is my poem:

You're Killing the Ozone

You're killing the ozone,
You'll get too much heat,
There won't be any snow and sleet!
Do not use hairspray,
Use a hairbrush,
You're killing the ozone,
Stop in a rush!
Paper cups and styrofoam
Should go to the trash,
We can't replace the ozone
With a thousand dollars cash.
So come with me and sing this song,
And the ozone will stay
Our whole lives long.

I guess I thought a thousand dollars was a lot of money back then. And that a lifetime was a long time. And the reason I called it a song was that I had a whole melody worked out. I told my students about this poem as an example of how NOT to write an issue poem, but they seem to have used it as a model.

I was lonely and so phoned many people and nobody answered and I was sad and kicking myself for not making any fun weekend plans. But then everybody called me back! So I was on the phone for many hours, and realized that the reason I was feeling lonely is that last weekend I was at home and the weekend before that I was in Iowa, so this is my first alone weekend in a while.

The Secret History is taking me a long time to read. Maybe because I only read it in the bathtub.

Would it be silly of me to go to another spinning class tomorrow? I am aiming for 4 classes a week, so I finish all 20 classes in 5 weeks before my pass expires. There is a class in Belvedere Square, so I could take the bus. Or I could wait til Monday and just go to the regular gym tomorrow. The only thing is that the arthritis in my right knee becomes excruciatingly painful midway through the class. It's not like it's injured, it just hurts. I have to press down on my knee during the seated climbs/sprints. It doesn't hurt during the standing parts. Next time I am going to make sure to take my painkiller about an hour before the class, and maybe put on some Myoflex, too. I get really emotional during spinning classes, I think it must be a physiological thing, because it happens almost every time that I feel like crying, but in sort of a good cathartic way. How embarrassing. Today I felt really good about being able to get through a spinning class despite rheumatoid arthritis. I rewarded myself by eating a free Fiber 1 bar sample I got in the mail by filling out some form 6-8 weeks ago. They also sent me a mini box of Fiber 1 cereal and a whole bunch of coupons. The first ingredient in the bar was chicory root extract, which I googled and read bad things about. I don't think this bar is any better than your average Quaker Oats bar. I never buy granola bars anyway because I would just eat the whole box.

I am loving this showdown between Piers Morgan and Omarosa. I love Piers. I think he is sexy and mean and shockingly competent.

Spinning class was A-mazing! I feel like a new woman.

Am making hoisin pork and baked sweet potato fries. The problem with living alone is that if you buy something like pork, you have to eat it four days in a row and come up with new recipes all the time. But I had hoisin sauce and rice vinegar and soy sauce on hand so I made a marinade and am going to roast it in the oven once the sweet potato fries are almost done. I hope the fries turn out. I read that if, once you've julienned them, you soak them in cold water and then dry them and then do the rest of the prep, they turn out crispy. And I only used very little olive oil and I sprinkled them with black pepper and cinnamon. Mmmmmmmm. And it fits into my calorie count! Am going to weigh myself in a few days and if have not lost anything then will revert to more boring foods.

Going to a spinning class today! It is at 10. I set my alarm for 8:30 but then I woke up at 7:15! Just imagine, I would still be asleep now. Instead I cleaned my apartment and made coffee and said self-affirmations while looking in the mirror. No, I didn't really do that last thing. I hope everybody at the class isn't thin and fit and wearing stylish gymwear. My gym wear is my high school gym uniform. Like the same exact shorts. And actually my t-shirt is from eighth grade. It says "Class of 97" on the back. No wonder I am out of shape. I do have many sports bras, though. My mom always buys them for me as gifts because she seems to think I exercise more than I actually do. There is always one sports bra under the Christmas tree. Maybe after I lose 10 pounds, I will reward myself by buying gym clothes. And not at the Goodwill either, but at an actual store, you know, the kind where the racks are stocked with many of the same outfit in all different sizes and the tags don't have somebody else's name written on them.

After the spinning class I might take a walk to the Inner Harbor and grade poems at the bookstore there. I might not though, because I am always tempted by the Panera Bread and I just looked up my favorite sandwich on the nutrition chart and apparently it is 990 calories. I always thought I was being healthy by choosing the apple as my side.

I think I managed to remove the virus without having to reformat! I am glad I didn't have to call Eli the Computer Guy. It turned out to be the vundo virus, which is one of those trojan rogue things, where it pops up and tries to get you to buy this fake antivirus software. I guess the purpose is to steal your information, or YOUR IDENTITY, like in The Net, starring Sandra Bullock. I would really like to watch that movie again. Anyway it gives you all these fake virus alerts to make you sign up, and in the process destroys all your files and puts weird stuff in the registry and won't let you use any programs or type or watch The Office or anything. It annoys me that these things are called "trojans," like we're supposed to be impressed by their similarity to events occurring in Greek mythology.

I tried a whole bunch of things like removal tools and those freeware antivirus programs and manually deleting registry keys and using system restore and booting in safe mode to run various scans, and what finally worked was Malwarebyte's Anti-Malware freeware. I'm going to put a link to it here because they have won me over, solving the crisis when my formerly trusty AdAware could not.

I've stopped getting error messages and popups and my Symantec stuff is working. I also backed up all my photos and music, so now I don't need to panic if my computer causes more trouble. I guess the only real panic would come from losing my files, but those are automatically backed up like every morning through Mozy Online Backup. None of these links are sponsored. The computer is still very slow and weird, so I think I am going to reformat anyway, but am going to leave it until tomorrow.

A Blanket of Feelings

I was just looking at the blanket on my bed and thinking that, despite its ethnic purple peacock pattern, it could be more exciting, more meaningful, and thus I am going to order a Photo Blanket. I am going to put photos of my friends and my cat and myself all over it, and then I will probably dream of all those things as well.

Ohhhh I hate my computer. I can't do anything without all these weird pop-ups and antivirus ads appearing. Each time one appears, I say, "Go away!" I just need to back up my photos so I can reformat, but the stupid computer won't let me! This is terrible.

Computer has been accumulating problems and so I am going to reformat, but first I need to backup all my photos. I tried to burn them this morning but it didn't work. Hmmmmmmm. I wish I had an external hard drive. My files are all backed up online and I am saving my music to a flash drive. Maybe I can just upload my photos to picasa?

I measured out my pasta for dinner today and it was the saddest thing ever. I hate portion control. I am tracking my calories on a spreadsheet. I kind of like spreadsheets, despite my comment a few days ago about finding them frightening. I enjoy using the sum function.

Am going to go to this fiction reading despite my headache.

After staying up til like 4 watching Celebrity Apprentice and then weeping myself to sleep about literary agents and having gained 25 pounds in the past two and a half (prednisone) years, I woke up and decided that November - what's the date? - November 5 was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. What a cliche. But it's true! I am going to lose 25 pounds. I began my new healthy outlook by reminiscing about that one day back in 2004 when I fit into a size 4 pair of jeans at the Gap. At the time I didn't know that Gap sizes are a little bigger. Then I made myself a coffee with delicious frothed soymilk and I did the 8 minute arms and 8 minute abs. Will do buns and legs tomorrow. I hate that word, "buns." It reminds me of that caption which I reluctantly edited out of the high school yearbook, which had a teacher at the music council barbecue who kind of looked like she was checking out a student's rear. The caption said, "Nice buns." Oh, how we laughed in the yearbook office. Anyway, after that, I checked my email and found a coupon for 20 fitness classes for $19 at the Brick gym! So I signed up for that (let me know if you want to sign up too, as I would like a workout buddy, and I think I get some additional coupons for referring people!). After that I went to the Hopkins gym and ellipticalled for a little while and then tried to go to Chocolatea, where I planned to have some light, yet delicious wrap, but it was quite crowded and I don't like their new seating arrangement, so I came over here to One World. I got the veggie burger of the day. I'd kind of forgotten how expensive they are. I only ever come here on Tuesdays for the half-price burritos, and it's been months actually since I've even had one of those. Wow, a girl just yelled, "I LOVE THIS PLACE!" She must not have eaten at many restaurants in her life. I used to love the Olive Garden. I remember Chelsea said once that everything here tastes as though it's missing an ingredient, which I thought was quite accurate. I also think it's odd that they give you honey mustard regardless of the burger flavor. They should switch it up! What about pesto or chipotle mayo? Also, are you supposed to dip the tortilla chips in the mustard, too? I always do, but feel that's incorrect. Anyway, I feel very healthy being here. I am wearing a fleece, so I feel appropriately dressed, very Franzian, as though I just climbed a mountain. Also, I saw Julia out the window going on a run, and I felt very fit by association.

OH MY GOD, celebrities are so dumb. Especially Gene Simmons. Then again, it is 3am and I am watching them. I took a break to take a bath and read. I guess it's not that late, when you take into account Daylight Savings Time. Actually the worst part is watching Donald Trump suck up to them. The only person I like on this show is Ivanka.

Am watching Celebrity Apprentice (the first one, not the second one). I would rather watch the normal Apprentice, but it's not on Megavideo as far as I can tell. There are some really annoying people on this show. Usually on reality shows, the annoyingness doesn't emerge until a few episodes in, and sometimes I think when they start being pompous and defensive and argumentative, it just comes from the tension of spending so much time together or being under a lot of pressure. I don't think there's really any pressure in Celebrity Apprentice - most of them are sort of B or C list types or has-beens, but they already have careers and money, and yeah it'd be nice for them to get money for their charities, but I think Trump gives money to all the charities as a consolation prize anyway. I'm only on the first episode, so I guess these people are just irritating on their own. Irritating people are the ones who succeed. Thinking about success makes me feel a little sick.

I was just thinking about how weird the concept of tea is. See, I put the tea (white tea) in the water and was looking down at it and it was just a cup of hot water and I didn't feel like drinking it, but then it turned a mild yellow-brown color and now I feel like drinking it. I guess the weird part is that it's just flavored water. It's like Tang. Except with antioxidants and whatnot. I had always put it in a much higher category.

I was a crappy teacher today. I don't know what I did - said things in the wrong order or didn't know how to start things off or didn't show enough enthusiasm. When the class is unenthusiastic, it tends to influence me, when I know it should be me influencing them with my enthusiasm.

TMI story: I had my annual pelvic exam done a couple months ago, but they mailed me a letter saying they couldn't obtain test results for "reasons beyond their control." It took me a while to reschedule an appointment that worked for me, and I went in today and told the assistant lady my situation and she goes, "Oh, that usually means they broke it." Broke it? Broke what? Like a test tube or a slide or something? So I have to have my cervix scraped again because somebody in a lab overmoisturized their hands that day? Bah. Then they made me sit half naked in the examining room for a good half hour before the doctor came in, and I wanted to go check if they'd forgotten about me, but could not due to nudity. When she did arrive, she brought a nursing student with her, who introduced herself very confidently, but then when she was doing the exam she kept making nervous sounds and saying things like, "Oops I've got this backwards!"

I did not dress warmly enough and thus had to take the shuttle home instead of walking as I had planned. On the shuttle, a man had a large bug crawling on his collar, and the girls behind him pointed it out, but he elected to leave it there. I was standing adjacent to the man. It continued to crawl around even as he switched seats.

Got a rejection on a full manuscript, from Trident. It was a nice letter. I'd had hope for that agent because she'd had it for so long, and I'd really wanted her to represent me, as she seems so kind yet professional. Searching for an agent is a bit like internet dating, where you get all attached when you read about them and look at their picture, but then after they e-reject you, you have to stop fantasizing about your long and productive future together and the books/children you would have yielded.

The highlight of my day was as I was crossing Charles Street in Mount Vernon and this woman crossing in the other direction goes, "You look cute!" Her expression was very matter-of-fact, so I believed her. After that I did not walk, I sashayed. It was good timing, too, because I was wearing a plaid dress and a cape-like sweater and had weighed myself that morning and so was feeling like a fat Hermione Granger.

Today I am teaching Signs & Symbols for the sixth time. It feels like more than that. The lesson usually starts with me asking them if they found the ending scary and then they all say no and I argue with them and point out all the scary things like the little girl phone voice and the creepy man out the window and the excessive symbolism. It's like a David Lynch movie! Then we talk about symbols and descriptions. Then they do that Gardner exercise where you describe a lake as seen by a man who's just committed a murder. Tends to be melodramatic. Trees dying and so on. Then I gush about how great Nabokov is and tell the story about how my college advisor had Nabokov's old office and said people used to go in there and say they could feel his spirit. Then I recommend all of his books, except Invitation to a Beheading, which, to be honest, I never finished. Sometimes I summarize the bowl scene from Pnin and begin weeping. Usually the students hate the story. We prefer Eudora Welty!, they say.